I feel like there are things about being a woman, an adult and a mom that I should know, but I don’t. It's like I missed the day in high school when all of the teachers shared highly classified information about how to function as an adult. It probably happened during first period Physics when Drea and I decided that our time was better spent listening to REM in her red Toyota Tercel.
Most of the time I can fake my way through life, convincing strangers that I am a fully functioning adult. That is, until a situation arrises that I should be able to maneuver with ease, and I realize I have no idea what I am doing. Like unclogging a toilet or cooking a steak, and those are hard to fake.
Here are a few other parts of adult life that challenge me:
Domestic Parts I never have the right kitchen tools. My Mother-in-Law has come to my house on numerous occasions and been appalled that I didn’t have a proper potato peeler or that I am missing the 3/4 measuring cup. (I am a full believer that estimation is a proper cooking technique. Besides, why do you need a 3/4cup measuring, too?! Can’t you just fill the full-cup 3/4 full?) Plus, I am literally unable to keep my sink clean or scrub toilets on a regular basis. I can not for the life of me figure out how real adults have clean bathrooms everyday.
Lady Parts How is it that I can be 34 years old and still have no idea when my period is going to start? And seriously, what is the deal with Soft Cups? How is it possible that I am totally uneducated about the newest in period paraphernalia? Maybe I need to consult the camp gyno.
I am sure she has some tips for me.
Friend Parts I try really hard to be a great friend but sometimes I am mystified by the adults who can plan dinner parties, manage to look fantastic and mingle with every guest for just the right amount of time. The truth is, I forget to text people back. I have small undetectable panic attacks when someone calls because I am secretly terrified of awkward phone conversation. I AM an awesome gift giver... but will most likely give it to you weeks after your birthday. The only things I have seemed to learn about being an adult friend is that Showing Up is the most important thing you can do for someone and that taking your friend's kids for a night will endure her to you forever.
Mom Parts Twelve years into this mom gig and I wish I could tell you that I have it mastered, but I don’t. I compare myself with other moms and feel bad for my kids that I don’t cut their sandwiches into butterfly shapes or make them pancakes every morning. But here is the truth. I am really good at snuggling. I make amazing hot chocolate, and I will do cartwheels in the front yard for hours. I don’t do chore charts and my little tribe isn’t perfectly behaved, but we love each other like crazy. And my one saving grace, the thing that keeps my head above water in the mom department are my friends. Especially the ones that say, “me too.” Friends who assure me that hiding in the bathroom to eat the last brownie without having to share, is something we’ve all done. Mom friends make you feel more competent, and like this whole adulthood thing is a little more do-able.
So here is the only conclusion I have come to. I haven’t figured it all out but here is where I am heading... Could it be that the greatest myth of adulthood is that we should be able do everything on our own? Because if we can do this thing together I think I might have a chance.
I am not even close to mastering this adulthood thing. But one thing I know that makes it bearable are my friends. Friends make everything better.
So bring it on adulthood. Me and my friends are ready for you.