Restless

I feel restless. Not that restless is a new feeling around our house. In fact a neighbor of ours once said that Joe and I have gypsy hearts. I took it as a compliment, of course. It is true though. Left to our own devices Joe and I would be dragging our children all over the world with pennies in our pocket but treasure troves of experiences. But then enters jobs and bills and responsibilities and in with them stumbles restlessness.  It is a feeling that comes upon me every once in a while when things feel status quo and boring.

If you know me well you know that I am desperately afraid of living a boring life. Some of it is my personality which Joe refers to as free-spirited which at best is carefree and unaffected and at worst is scatterbrained and non committal. Whichever it is, he likes me for it and I am thankful for that. But regardless of the cause of it, this restlessness nags at me. Much like a kid walking by a cotton candy stand at the fair, it is persistent.

I could bore you with all of the details of jobs that should be fulfilling but aren’t, but what it comes down to is that days blending into weeks with a groundhog day sort of monotony scare me shit less. I am ok for a while until I am confronted by the reality that it is too easy to live with realistic expectations. Because the truth is that realistic is the road to mediocrity. Enter restlessness and with it a deep longing to create a better story.

So I try to analyze it. I look at it from every direction wondering if I am getting antsy to move or to change jobs because that is what we should be doing or simply because I am not doing anything at the moment that challenges me.  Guilt tip toes in too. With all of stress of the past few years this period of stability and peace is actually a very welcome experience. 

Here is what I am landing on… It seems that the beauty of days is that they are made up of hours, which are made up of minutes. And each minute is an opportunity to say yes to the story we are meant to live. It isn’t the grand gestures that are most important. It is saying yes more than no. It is putting yourself in a position that you ask yourself, “What have I gotten myself into?” It is ignoring the to do list and creating a better story list. It is jumping in with both feet and totally screwing things up occasionally.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
-Mark Twain